I Should Tell You....

Something that has really been bothing me lately:

I hate when people (especially scene kids) proclaim their love for one another w/in the first week of dating each other. I find it sad that love can be thrown around so easily. I also say scene kids because theres been a few people I've notice do it over and over again. How can you possibly love someone that fast... then the next month start dating someone new and love them as well? Hmm.. I guess i'm not one to have love or i just value love to much to have it that often. ]



In other news... Katy H. I miss you!

I miss Jenna.

I think I just had the most amazing time in Chicago. Doing absolutly nothing.

I'm going to Berlin in 2 months.....

I'm pumped.

i feel so alone.

oh, i forgot to mention... My kidney has been causing me problems.

I just want them to take it out.
But if I'm in the hospital... I expect phone calls, flowers, and visits!

Last time i was there no one knew. I was sad. And spent three days by myself! eecks!

Well at least my house. I can't stand my mom or dad these past few days. And my sister just wont get up and leave.....

I checked on a few more places and schools in Chicago. I'm going to be hearing some good news soon!! I better be at least.

Work... I need to do it as much as possible.. I need money for the following:
*Les Miserables Tickets
*Chicago Tickets
*Money for Chicago to visit the wonderful ladies and gents I care so much about
*Money for these damn soroity girls
*Feeding myself... Since i'm down to a low weight... 7 more pounds and i'll be under 100! (Should I be excited? Because i'm not... and no jenna... i'm not anorexic.)
*Valentines day! haha what a false holiday. But i need to buy stuff!!
*gas money before I sell the car, pack up my goods and move. (well i'll see if i do decide to. I like wayne state... but i need to get out of my house within the year.)

*There's a place for us,
A time and place for us.
Hold my hand and we're halfway there.
Hold my hand and I'll take you there
Somehow,
Some day,
Somewhere!

haha.. i was going through my list of friends and discovered my old livejournal... pnkrkgrl. I love my picture icons. It was tricia, nikki, and I in nikki's basement. I remember that night so cleary. I miss those wonderful days of short hair, coffee, and the greatest friends of all.

I also popped in an extremely old cd today. "so punk it hurts"

the wonderful alkaline trio, reel big fish, living end, and the many other wonderful punk and ska bands that were on that cd.

so its easy for me to be myself and come off "flirty" towards people
guys especially.

Honestly... I feel akward around guys im not familiar with. You may not believe it... But i have a really hard time opening up to guys. Let alone if they try to get too close w/me (and by close i mean like... trying to touch my hand or shoulders, etc. stupid shit). Even if they are just being friendly. I think about the boy i love and i'm always scared around others.

Maybe its because a few reasons:
*i'm in love and i'm not interested in anyone else.
*maybe its because the one i love always tells me that no one else will ever make me happy (which really makes me sick and shuts down my self esteem)
*Maybe b/c i've never really been interested in anyone else
*I don't want to be my sister
*I dont like many things. Which you may or may not want to believe.


In all... You drink to ease your pain... so when you argue w/me it won't matter come morning when you apologize to me. And you know what... Its not always fine.

I know i may do some wrong. But i have loved you every second of every day.

These are your good years
don't take my advice
you never wanted the nice boys anyway
and I'm of good cheer
cause I've been checking my list
the gifts you're receiving from me
will be

one awkward silence
and two hopes you cry yourself to sleep
staying up, waiting by the phone
and all I want this year is for you to dedicate your last
breathe to me
before you bury yourself alive

don't come home for Christmas
you're the last thing I wanna see
underneath the tree
merry Christmas, I could care less

happy new years baby
you owe me
the best gift I will ever ask for
don't call me up, when the snow comes down
its the only thing I want this year

one awkward silence
and two hopes you cry yourself to sleep
staying up, waiting by the phone
all I want this year is for you to dedicate your last breathe to
me
before you bury yourself alive

don't come home for Christmas
you're the last thing I wanna see
underneath the tree
merry Christmas, I could care less

don't come home for Christmas
you're the last thing I wanna see
underneath the tree (don't come home for Christmas)
merry Christmas, I could care less

don't come home for Christmas
you're the last thing I wanna see
underneath the tree (don't come home for Christmas)
merry Christmas, I could care less

so who's house was I at this weekend??????


Pete Wentz from Fall Out Boy...

Oh yes... yes that was it. How amazing. I love his mom!

Thank you Ben Phillips from the Paul Frank store. And Adrian. !! I love my many pins, and band hook ups.

Fucking amazing and i mean amazing weekend. Come on.. you only live once.

<td align="center" style="background: #000000; color: #FFFFFF;">Heather's Random Movie Quote:

'Sometimes I doubt your commitment to Sparkle Motion.'

- Kitty Farmer, Donnie Darko

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I <3 you big though.

Just reflect back on all those spoken words. Everything written with meaning. Everything hidden.

Fate: I needed to be there and help the one I cared for.
.and In between that.
I neglected the one I was in love with all along.




Jenna: Serendipity, pizza, Your BIG comfy couch, and could I be forgetting anything else?

Serendipity? Oh it's possible. <3
***********************casiopia***

This is typical of me. I strive to be better and for more.
What is it that i'm striving for?

I don't like Mongolian BBQ. It is rather easy and I hate that i'm using physical work over mental capabilities. I make good money there, but the work doesn't satisfy me. It doesn't seem to satisfy me at any resturant.

*My dad said it is even good for me to start taking classes for massage therapy so I don't have to wait on tables. I would love to be certified as a masseuse. At least this way i can study an art and help people more, than asking if they want a starbucks to go with their meal.

*My classes at school aren't challenging at all. I don't even go to class and I master my tests. I'm rather bored of the atmosphere around here. The city has little to offer and I'm stuck living with my sister. It is better then a campus I suppose. And I love the friends I do have around. I'm ready to pack up and leave to one of the few cities I've been visiting lately. I think Kristen and I should plan on moving in together. It might be a possibility. I don't want to move away forever. Maybe two to three years. Then end up somewhere else another day. I have a year and a half to decide though.

*I'm about to contradict myself... I feel disgusted w/myself but at the same time, i've been cocky lately. Which isn't a bad thing. I need to get in shape again. I need some definition again. I'm sure it is there still, but i'm not seeing it like i want it. And as for being cocky... well... I don't know what to say about that right now.

Well I'm off to work on my flaws. and in the words of rachel, "I need a shot". But this isn't before walking on the soccer field and damn! i miss soccer. I think i'm playing this thursday actually!!!

backstage at fenix tx..... or
backstage at fall out boy w/89x stole christmas?

hmmm... this could be a hard choice. chris, let me know if i can be your chick if lahni and kristen aren't coming to michigan. but they better

<3

How much I love life, and my bubula?!?!

<3

when the time we have now ends, when the big hands go round again... can we still feel the butterflies? can we still hear them last through the night?

I'm dying tomorrow
This house, this street, Chicago
I'm dying tomorrow
Did I do it right
Did I remember to sleep in
Take lots of pills
Commit irreversible sins
Did I at least try to kiss the prettiest girl
At the right time
Did I remember to keep your beer as full as mine
Did I remember to say cheers
Did I at least try to make sure everybody had a good time
Had the best time
Did I remember to stay up late
Drinking for the fun
Drinking for the taste
Did I run outside to kiss the rain
Under electrical skies
I'm dying tomorrow
This house, this street, Chicago
I'm dying tomorrow
Did I do it right

it doesnt matter any more.

after much thought......


wayne state has a great medical field. 1st or second in michigan.
Im now staying there.
it sucks...
but i suppose it will be ok.
however.. if i change my mind in time. i will be off and away. a new state however. not michigan.

i've been in love with him since i first met him.